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 Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)

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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 1:30 am

Unbought Jutsu:



Last edited by Tatsumaki Urufu on Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:24 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 1:57 am

Ok, this is all I have time for tonight, due to work in the morning. The Hidden Mist Jutsu has an approved version in the Canon Technique database under Water Release, and there is also an approved version of Body Flicker, which your version isn't. If u look into Andeddo's jutsu list, an approved version of Body flicker is there. Go ahead and do these two edits, then bump.
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 3:27 am

Bump
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Genin

Takeshi
Takeshi
Male Posts : 2435
Ryo : 20350

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue260/260Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (260/260)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 8:52 pm

Hidden Mist - 2500
Flicker - 3500
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 8:53 pm

These should be free because I'm just joining now.
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Genin

Takeshi
Takeshi
Male Posts : 2435
Ryo : 20350

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue260/260Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (260/260)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 8:57 pm

If you are clanless and want these two to be part of you free set then say so. Also Dom has agreed to finish your stuff tonight when he arrives at home while I work on more pressing staff matters, sorry about this
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 9:00 pm

Than Yeah. I'm taking these as my clanless. And it's fine.
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 9:27 pm

Kuro fu - As I read this, to me, it seems like a Kekkei Genkai ability trying to be passed by as a clanless technique. I want a ton more information on the erosion, and laceration effect. (There also is already a vibration clan made, so this may not be possible.) Also, the cooldown being equivalent to the jutsu used, makes it far more than a simple C rank tech. Lastly, usually only bloodlines can last a whole topic, and you being clanless, means this probably won't be possible. Needs a definite duration and definite cooldown. Give me this information, and we shall continue.
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Jul 26, 2011 9:47 pm

Alright, Dom. I added a concrete cooldown. It already had a duration and it doesn't last an entire topic. I included information on the lacerations. I hope that is sufficient. Bump. xD
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Jul 27, 2011 12:34 am

Also, I added info on the Wind-Enhanced tools to hopefully answer any unasked questions.
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Jul 27, 2011 1:48 pm

Kuro fu still seems to me too much like a Kekkei Genkai. I may need a second opinion on it, just to make sure I'm not over analyzing this...

Wind Enhanced tools - Ok, I need a max range, max speed increase and also max lethality of this jutsu with the enhancement. Give me numbers here....
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Genin

Takeshi
Takeshi
Male Posts : 2435
Ryo : 20350

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue260/260Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (260/260)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Jul 27, 2011 3:30 pm

Alright then, I have to agree with Dom here, the black wind thing looks more like a bloodline trait than it does a normal jutsu.
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Jul 27, 2011 6:06 pm

Alright, in that case disregard this thread. I've decided to create a clan so that I can get my Kuro-Fu, as well as other jutsu that I think would go well with it. So yeah. Sorry about all of this and the trouble I may have caused.
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Jul 27, 2011 8:51 pm

Its no trouble. It was just not something a clanless ninja could do. This is to stay open however. This topic is where you register all of the jutsu you will want in the future. Adding the two canon jutsu on here to your clan may not be passable. However, the prices are up and if you wish to buy them you may when you recieve the ryo.
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Aug 02, 2011 1:40 am

Name: Dākusaidoobuzamūn
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: A
Element: Wind
Type: Ninjutsu/Bloodline
Range: Immediate
Description: This is a very dangerous application of the Kuro-fu no Manto. A very intense concentration of Killing Intent leaks from the user's body, completely surrounding the user's body. The layer of wind between the user and their killing intent is very different then the normal wind that helps create the bloodline of the Tatsumaki clan. Instead of being slightly compressed, it spins rapidly around the user's body, pressed tightly against their limbs, etc. The final stage of this jutsu is the wind and killer intent fuse once more to reshape Urufu's wind cloak so it surrounds his body in the image of a pure-black werewolf. The cloak around his body increases in height, and the intently revolving winds actually rise Urufu up, giving him more height. His entire body is held tight in the wind-cacoon, which allows for him to move without any delay in his movements. Unlike his other technique which gives him an armor from the compressed wind, the tight black wind around his body does not defend him from any harm. The purpose of this jutsu, however is very simple.

Because so much killing intent is drawn for this technique, the user enters a very dark side of his or her personality. Everything becomes the target of the user while in this stage, seeing as they enter a barbaric, berserker state in which they succumb to every intense hatred they've ever felt in their life. They will not pull punches when this jutsu is activated, as every attack is a fatal attack. When this technique is activated, literally nobody in the user's life is safe. They will kill anyone and everyone, and that isn't too difficult with the new form of the user.

The entire body of this werewolf is made of the user's killing intent focused and concentrated. Instead of the regular effect of the black-wind around the user (the grinding effect), this concentrated wind literally attacks whatever it touches, slashing multiple times to magnify the normal damage by three. The wind compressed around their body gives them the ability to slash at their opponent with their 3 inch claws, made completely out of wind and killing intent. Their head is also fitted with a wolf-muzzle and ears, as well as shaggy lambchops, completely crafted out of the Kuro-fu no Manto. They're bodies gain three inches on every limb, giving them a wider reach and height. The most notable effect of this jutsu is called "Pressure Burst".

The pressure burst is a minor explosion of wind that escapes from the user's cloak. This is because the rapidly spinning wind beneath the blackness is highly pressurized. This means that if they angle their heels appropriately and thin the blackness, the wind is capable of piercing through and jettosoning them forward at high speeds (this doubles the user's speed). By using a pressure burst on their elbows and slashing or punching, they can increase their strength by 1.5x. Although the user has a tail, it is not capable of doing anymore damage then driftwood. The tail never reaches longer then three and a half feet. This form lasts for 6 posts with a 5 post cooldown.
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Genin

Nahaji Sankuro
Nahaji Sankuro
Male Posts : 680
Ryo : 1600

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue275/275Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (275/275)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyTue Aug 02, 2011 11:30 pm

Ooooook, first thingd first. There is no ability to increase your strength three fold, that is denied, the most you can have is 2.
Two, you have an alternate ability within this ability, the wind burst is going to have to either completely cancel out the entire wolf form from the explosion of the wind, or not be there. You don't need an ability within an ability.
Three, you cannot use this alternate ability to increase your strength yet again. You're asking for a three times in strength, then another 1.5 times with the wind burst giving you just an OP power level. Say your original power is the ability to split a tree, times that by three hundred % plus your original strength, now you can split four trees. Times the four trees now by 1.5, and now you somehow have an ability to split through 6 trees. This multiple increase business is getting entirely out of hand. I'm going to have to deny the wind burst increase in strength.
Four, the cooldown on this is way too small, if you're going to have an immense output like this, it's going to need at least a once per topic limit by my judgement, or a massive cooldown.

Make all of these edits, then bump for further review.
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Aug 03, 2011 11:16 am

First off, I don't know where you got so much strength increase. I listed how much it was and hthen how it worked. That may have mislead you.

Also, the wind bursts are not an ability within an ability. The wind bursts ARE the ability. The form can't do anything aside from that. As for the coldowns and whatnot, I based the cooldowns and this for lightning release armor, which is why I figured my minor gains could be used for less then everything achieved with that jutsu. I'll edit and bump again when things are more clear, and the cooldowns etc are fixed.
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Genin

Tatsumaki Urufu
Tatsumaki Urufu
Male Posts : 82
Ryo : 3250

Character sheet
Chakra:
Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration)   Tatsumaki, Urufu (Technique Registration) EmptyWed Aug 03, 2011 11:20 am

Also, strength is onyx 1.5, and speed is only two. I don't know where you got three from.
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