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 Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)

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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptySun Oct 16, 2011 10:34 pm

Name: Shigure Shoen 1st Offensive Form: Shajiku no Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: B
Element: Suiton
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: Arms Reach + Length of Sword
Description: Requires charge equal to handseals for a B Rank Jutsu. Zephyr dashes at the opponent and slashes a diagonal slash with a low slope, almost a horrizontal slash. When the slash impacts, 10 gallons of water surge from the blade at 35 mph, pushing the foe back 2 ft. Once per topic use.

Name: Shigure Soen 2nd Defensive Form: Sakamaku Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Element: Suiton
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: 2 Ft
Description: The user, with chakra, creates rolling waves of water simply as a distraction to mask their movements solely so they can do a horrizontal block

Name: Shigure Soen 3rd Offensive Form: Yarazu no Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Element: None
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: 20 ft
Description: The user drops the sword, kicking it, infusing their foot with chakra as they do, launching the sword at 15 mph flying like a spear. The user usually chases after the sword. 1st form would be a perfect follow-up.

Name: Shigure Soen 4th Defensive Form: Gofuu Juuu
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: E
Element: None
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: Self
Description: The user uses their chakra to syncronize breathing with the foe, allowing themselves to read the movements of the foe better, increasing their ability to formulate a proper evasion.


Last edited by Zephyr Edrick on Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:17 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Oct 20, 2011 1:19 am

Bump
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Oct 20, 2011 2:30 am

Shigure Soen 1st Offense - first off, a surge of a half gallon of water isn't enough to knock an opponent two feet back. In fact, all it would do is get them wet. If your looking for a surge. It'll need to be more water with a set mph speed and the lowest rank of a surge is usually B Rank. What is the charge time, what is the cooldown?
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Oct 20, 2011 2:39 am

If it is to remain D rank, 1 charge 4 cooldown
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Oct 20, 2011 1:50 pm

Well, you would need more water to make it a surge and what you have now, is basically a useless jutsu. It'll be B rank regardless, so edit the amount and answer the rest of the questions I previously asked and do not ignore them.
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Oct 20, 2011 7:33 pm

10 gallons, 35 mph, charge equal to handseal time 8 post cooldown.
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 5:08 pm

Edit in everything for the first jutsu, but it will be only once per topic use. After that, I will price, then move onto the next jutsu.
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 8:17 pm

Edited
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyWed Oct 26, 2011 12:02 am

Sakamaku ame - how large are the rolling waves and how exactly do they distract on order to mask your movement??
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptySun Oct 30, 2011 2:45 am

About 2/3 Zephyr's height, and they are simply used to attract the foe's attention away from Zephyr's true movements
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyMon Oct 31, 2011 1:44 am

Ok, lets redo this. These two line descriptions are way to vague to make it clear what this does. Explain the technique in full please. There are thousands of examples on how descriptive you need to be with this
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyMon Oct 31, 2011 2:23 am

Name: Shigure Soen 2nd Defensive Form: Sakamaku Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Element: Suiton
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: 2 Ft
Description: The user, with chakra, creates rolling waves of water, 1/3 their height, simply as a distraction to mask their movements to hide a block. This works much like that of a magician, deception through disinformation, hiding the true nature through false clues. While the opponent comes at them, the waves form, attempting to make an powerful counter attack when they really are mounting a defensive. This technique must use water already in the area. The water can be recirculated, using a minimum of 2 gallons of water. Charge equal to handseals time, 5 post cooldown.

Better?
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyTue Nov 01, 2011 2:27 am

Much better. I think because of the nature, a seven post cooldown is better. You need to add that you cannot perform a jutsu with this water while its active. After you do that, this one is priceable.
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyTue Nov 01, 2011 10:40 am

Name: Shigure Soen 2nd Defensive Form: Sakamaku Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Element: Suiton
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: 2 Ft
Description: The user, with chakra, creates rolling waves of water, 1/3 their height, simply as a distraction to mask their movements to hide a block. This works much like that of a magician, deception through disinformation, hiding the true nature through false clues. While the opponent comes at them, the waves form, attempting to make an powerful counter attack when they really are mounting a defensive. This technique must use water already in the area. The water can be recirculated, using a minimum of 2 gallons of water. While this jutsu is cooling down, the water used for it cannot be used for other techniques. Charge equal to handseals time, 7 post cooldown.

You also forgot to price the 1st form
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyWed Nov 02, 2011 12:28 am

First offensive form - 6500 Ryo

Second Defensive Form - 2000 Ryo

Now edit the next jutsu with a full description and we will continue..
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyWed Nov 02, 2011 12:50 pm

Name: Shigure Soen 3rd Offensive Form: Yarazu no Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Element: None
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: 20 ft
Description: The user drops the sword towards their foot punting it like a football. As they kick, they infuse chakra into their foot and into the sword to stabilize the flight, allowing it to fly straight, much like a spear towards the torso of the target at 15 mph.
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyWed Nov 02, 2011 8:29 pm

Give more information on this. What is the maximum damage that this can do? How deep can it go through the body?
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Nov 03, 2011 10:42 am

4 inches of penetration through unprotected body. Half that through leather and other hide based armor and no penetration through metal based armor
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyThu Nov 03, 2011 11:13 pm

Make the full description below like you did for the last jutsu you re did, and bump. It keeps me from having to scroll through
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyFri Nov 04, 2011 1:21 am

Name: Shigure Soen 3rd Offensive Form: Yarazu no Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Element: None
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: 20 ft
Description: Requires charge equal to handseals for C rank techniques. The user drops the sword towards their foot punting it like a football. As they kick, they infuse chakra into their foot and into the sword to stabilize the flight, allowing it to fly straight, much like a spear towards the torso of the target at 15 mph. If the foe is unprotected, the blade is capable of 4 inches of penetration, however hide based armor, reduces the penetration by 50% to only 2 inches of penetration, and metal based armor completely blocks the attack. 10 post cooldown
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyFri Nov 04, 2011 2:10 am

This one is 3500 ryo.

Lets move to the next one
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptySat Nov 05, 2011 2:49 pm

Name: Shigure Soen 4th Defensive Form: Gofuu Juuu
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: E
Element: None
Type: Kenjutsu
Range: Self
Description: One post charge. The user uses their chakra to syncronize breathing with the foe, allowing themselves to read the movements of the foe better, increasing their ability to formulate a proper evasion. Lasts 3-5 posts with an extra 5 chakra cost per post after the 3rd post.
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyWed Nov 09, 2011 1:29 am

Ok with this one, it seems like a breathing version of the sharingan a bit. To synchronize breathing doesn't seem possible bc its unpredictable about how the user will change breathing. Expand further and make it more precise or rework it a bit.
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Genin

Zephyr Edrick
Zephyr Edrick
Posts : 36
Ryo : 1550

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue100/100Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyMon Nov 14, 2011 1:35 am

Name: Shigure Soen 4th Defensive Form: Kakusei Ame
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Element: Suiton
Type: Kenjutsu/Ninjutsu
Range: Close
Description: The user focuses chakra to their blade as an enemy slashes. When the blades clash, water flows out from the handle of the blade pushing the foe's sword completely off the users, freeing the user up to attack or build distance. If a follow-up attack is used with the same blade as the technique was used, the user would be lucky to pull off a single slash. This technique works best in a 1 on 1 fight. No charge once per topic


Last edited by Zephyr Edrick on Tue Nov 15, 2011 12:56 am; edited 2 times in total
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Genin

Dominic
Dominic
Male Posts : 5756
Ryo : 12100

Character sheet
Chakra:
Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Left_bar_bleue330/330Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty_bar_bleue  (330/330)

Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)   Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration) EmptyMon Nov 14, 2011 1:56 am

It's considered Kenjutsu/ Ninjutsu. To be able to free yourself for an attack, you can only be allowed a single attack with your same blade due to the transition. Whatever is in your other hand doesn't apply to this rule. Just make it a once per topic usage.
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Zephyr Edrick (Jutsu Registration)

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