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 Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]

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Genin

Night
Night
Male Posts : 17
Ryo : 1500

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySat Jun 23, 2012 6:37 am

S-ranked

Name: Hamatachi Technique : Heavenly Dance
Canon/Custom: Custom
Type: Kenjutsu/Weaponry
Element: Wind. (Optional : Fire, or Lightning)
Range: 50 meter diameter
Description: This technique was founded by Tentei Hamatchi, Yoshi's grandfather. It took him 3 years to master and perfect this technique. To perform this technique, the user does not need handseals. Instead, the user charges chakra to his legs and blade. For the first 2 post, the user is free to move. As for the last charging post, the user has to stay perfectly still. After charging for three post, the user runs around and does 12 slashes at blinding speeds, in just 2 seconds. As the user does the slashes, the slashes would be amplified as a sharp slash projectile that travels 60mph. This happens not only because the slashes are strong and fast; it's also because of the chakra charged into the blade. Therefore, it is more like "chakra slash projectiles". The chakra projectile's size equals to the size of the slash. Once these projectiles touches the enemy's body, it would cut into the nervous system and then explode into tiny "needles", causing severe pain around the cuts. The damages caused by this projectiles causes a "block" in the enemy's chakra circulatory system, which will disable them from using jutsus from that body part for 2 post. If the slash would hit the user's leg, it wouldn't affect jutsus that come from the mouth. The 12 blinding slashes/projectile are based on the pic below. (Each line(altogether 12) represents one slash, and the center represents the target.)
Spoiler:
Since this happens in just 2 second, the enemy might not be able to dodge everything. As Yoshi starts slashing in a circle and returns back to the original spot, it'll seem like Yoshi hadn't move at all. After a 3 second lag time, the slash marks would appear around the enemy's body. This technique can easily kill the target due to massive loss of blood, and the high possibility of hitting some vital areas. This technique will cause terrible strain on the body. The user will feel huge exhaustion after this technique. Although it is optional, the user may infuse the chakra with elemental chakra. Here are the optional elements, and their effects. Note : To infuse the blade with elemental chakra, the user has to charge for an extra post.

Fire : Causes third degree burns.
Ligthning : Causes numbness.

Can be used once every 3 battle topics only. Trying to use this technique before two battle topics will kill you. [/spoiler]


Last edited by Night on Sun Jun 24, 2012 7:50 am; edited 7 times in total
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Jounin

Re'yoak
Re'yoak
Male Posts : 338
Ryo : 94000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue250/250Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (250/250)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySat Jun 23, 2012 6:54 am

After charging for one post, the user runs around and does 12 slashes at blinding speeds, naked to the human eye.

No. It can't be this fast. Also I am generally confused about the whole needle part. Also you can't say that something this complex happens in a second, and it would be meta-gaming to say that someone can't dodge it. On top of this it causes such high damage. Damage to the chakra system is un-restorative.
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Genin

Night
Night
Male Posts : 17
Ryo : 1500

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySat Jun 23, 2012 7:17 am

Himi says she needs someone else to check my heavenly dance.
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Genin

Matthias
Matthias
Male Posts : 60
Ryo : 4000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySat Jun 23, 2012 11:00 pm

How wide are the arcs of these slashes? Does it take 2 seconds for the wave to reach the 25 meter range, or does it take 2 seconds to perform all of the slashes? In other words, how fast are these slashes? No stopping of the chakra circulatory system. You should not have such precision without Medical as a spec.

You start with 2 D, 1 C, and an S, I believe, but you cannot use the S-rank until you're an appropriate rank. It doesn't count towards your current jutsu total, either, not until you can use it.
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Genin

Matthias
Matthias
Male Posts : 60
Ryo : 4000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 3:51 am

I'm not fond of using RL time to measure IC techniques. You're better off just saying once every 2 topics or something, because, depending on how often your opponent posts, that could be every other post.
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Genin

Night
Night
Male Posts : 17
Ryo : 1500

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 4:21 am

Done
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Genin

Matthias
Matthias
Male Posts : 60
Ryo : 4000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 5:02 am

I realize it's an S-rank, but that's missing from the template. The charge should be longer than 1 post, make it 3 posts, since it takes 3 posts worth of hand seals for a Sp. Jounin to use an S-rank jutsu. At A/S-rank, it can be 2 posts. Also add that the person cannot focus chakra in the effected area, not so much that they can't use jutsu. If a person's foot were cut, that shouldn't stop them from using the Fireball technique, which is spit from the mouth.
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Genin

Night
Night
Male Posts : 17
Ryo : 1500

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 5:06 am

Done
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Jounin

Hakumei Shinkirou
Hakumei Shinkirou
Male Posts : 799
Ryo : 2371000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue290/290Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (290/290)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 6:38 am

Stepping in for the moment, since this caught my eye. Once he edits after I point out more flaws, feel free to continue.

First of all, "Distance" should be "Range"

"Instead, the user charges chakra to his legs, hands, and blade." Last I checked, using legs and hands was considered taijutsu. Include that in the Type.

"Once these projectiles touches the enemy's body, it would cut about 2 inches deep and then explode into tiny "needles", causing severe pain around the cuts." I dunno about you, but, my wrists are hardly 2 inches in diameter, so this would mean you could cut my hands off. Skin itself isn't an inch deep (only millimeters deep really) so going 2 inches deep is far too specific. Since it's much more likely that your aim is to inflict this upon a person and not some kind of barrier, describe how deep it cuts in terms of muscle and bone.

"The damages caused by this projectiles causes a "block" in the enemy's chakra circulatory system, which will disable them from using jutsus from that body part for 2 post." As I explained to Yoshi, this is an effect given to only the highest ranking Wind element jutsu. Make that a required element to perform.

"Because of the high speed, the enemy wouldn't even know that the user had even move." Don't make this assumption. Remove it.

"The pain, stop of the chakra circulatory system and the loss of blood would cause them to fall on the ground unconscious for 3 posts." No.

"The user will feel huge exhaustion after this technique." Be more specific. Since you're going to be causing such immense damage, you're going to need quite a drawback for using this. A good one would be not being able to move while charging.

"Although it is optional, the user may infuse the chakra with elemental chakra." As it is now, this option makes it far too powerful already. If you don't weaken other parts of it, this part will need to be removed entirely. Wind already needs to be removed.

"Can be used once every 3 topics only. Trying to use this technique before two topics will kill you." I don't like this... but, whatever. Make it so that it says once every 3 fight topics. Far too easy to just have casual RPs to avoid this cooldown.
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Genin

Night
Night
Male Posts : 17
Ryo : 1500

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 7:52 am

"Instead, the user charges chakra to his legs, hands, and blade." Last I checked, using legs and hands was considered taijutsu. Include that in the Type.

Nope, not Tai. Legs are for speed, Just like body flicker, it isn't Tai. I don't know why I type hand@.@ Edited hands out

"The pain, stop of the chakra circulatory system and the loss of blood would cause them to fall on the ground unconscious for 3 posts." No.

But wouldn't that be normal? I mean, if 12 slashes cut till your nervous tissue (for this example, I'll remove all type of damages, making it a normal cut), I bet the bleeding itself can make you unconscious, just saying.

Anyways, edited the rest:D
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Jounin

Hakumei Shinkirou
Hakumei Shinkirou
Male Posts : 799
Ryo : 2371000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue290/290Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (290/290)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 8:55 am

Night wrote:
"Instead, the user charges chakra to his legs, hands, and blade." Last I checked, using legs and hands was considered taijutsu. Include that in the Type.

Nope, not Tai. Legs are for speed, Just like body flicker, it isn't Tai. I don't know why I type hand@.@ Edited hands out

"The pain, stop of the chakra circulatory system and the loss of blood would cause them to fall on the ground unconscious for 3 posts." No.

But wouldn't that be normal? I mean, if 12 slashes cut till your nervous tissue (for this example, I'll remove all type of damages, making it a normal cut), I bet the bleeding itself can make you unconscious, just saying.

Anyways, edited the rest:D

You forget that ninja typically have stronger wills than to just pass out with a super move. Besides that, keeping it there would force 3 posts of unconsciousness, when in reality they might have at least some kind of defense that would shorten the time or maybe even ignore it entirely. However, it's mostly just the strong will that keeps this out.
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Genin

Night
Night
Male Posts : 17
Ryo : 1500

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Left_bar_bleue100/100Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration]   Hamatachi, Night [Jutsu registration] EmptySun Jun 24, 2012 10:48 am

Okay~ anyways, the rest have been edited.
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