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 Hitokugutsu (Done)

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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyMon Mar 24, 2014 6:03 am



Clan Information
Spoiler:

Hitokugutsu

Bloodline Name: Ningixyou 人形

Bloodline Ability: Those of the Hitokugutsu possess the innate ability to use puppets in unique and strange ways with specially made puppets. The puppeteers of the Ningixyou bloodline craft one of a kind puppets from tree's grown only in the storms of Boufuu. The puppets that are crafted by each member in the process of being made, absorb small amounts of the user's chakra during the building process and throughout the user's lifetime and depending on the rank of the puppet, issues on how much chakra it can hold at any given time. This allows the user to seemingly transfer their consciousness into a puppet or taking on the abilities of a puppet. While this may look the case, it is the user transferring large amounts of chakra through an invisible and seemingly nonexistent link between them and their puppet as well as the chakra strings to be used as a medium. The puppet is also able to, in turn, return chakra given to the user's body to give them puppet-like abilities when skills or abilities are used to activate them.

Physical Traits: None but they will have the insignia '人形' someone on them.

Location: Hidden Storm (Boufuugakure no Sato)

Clan History: The Hitokugutsu clan is a renowned ninja clan in the land hidden in the storm.  They are well-known as a passive-aggressive clan and fight using their characteristic puppets; ranging anywhere from small hand held dolls to giant towering mountains. This type of weapon use has spread beyond the Hitokugutsu clan though but its bloodline is unique to the Hitokugutsu. The relationship between a puppeteer and their puppet is as sacred as any between people or animal ninja. The users of this skill are one's that have caused them to delve into more than just simple puppetry and into darker things such as human puppets.

This skill is frowned upon though it is not forbidden as there are those that would give their lives to become immortalized into puppetry itself. Because of this, their bloodline is kept solely in the Hidden Storm and any member wishing to leave has found an untimely end and a new puppet added to the Hitokugutsu arsenal. It is not uncommon for ninja from other villages to ask for acceptance into the Hitokugutsu as they are always will to accept new and will puppeteers.


D-RANK

Name: puppet operator technique (ningiyoumawashi no jutsu)
Canon/Custom: custom
Rank: D
Type: supplementary
Element: none
Range: 5 yards
Specialty: bukijutsu (Kugutsu)
Duration: 6 posts
Cooldown: 3 posts
Description: The Puppet Operator Technique is one of the two signature abilities of the Hitokugutsu clan. Originally, this ninjutsu was suited to seem the inner workings of a puppeteers puppet. With it, a ninja sends their spiritual energy into the special puppet's through the chakra strings and supplanting their will into the shell. The user shares a consciousness with the target puppet and the puppet alone, giving them complete control of the doll for a time. While in control of the puppet, the user is able to communicate with the target as if they themselves were the puppet. Since the user is in a puppet, they are also able to use that puppets skills as a second hand nature. As the user propels almost all of their spiritual energy, the shooting range and number of hits are considerably limited.

Normally, the original body is left defenseless while this technique is active, leaving it susceptible to attack until they return. The transfer moves in a straight direction and takes some time for the chakra to return to the user's body if it misses as it is a large amount. Lastly, should the puppet come to harm, the damage is not reflected on the actual body but if the puppet comes to a point where it would be considered unusable or destroyed, the consciousness and chakra are forced back into the user's body and extra 20 chakra to be drained from the chakra pool for that topic.

Name: puppet regime technique (kairaiseiken no jutsu)
Canon/Custom: custom
Rank: D
Type: supplementary
Element: none
Range: 5 yards
Specialty: bukijutsu (Kugutsu)
Duration: 6 posts
Cooldown: 2 posts
Description: The Puppet Regime Technique is the second of the two signature abilities of the Hitokugutsu clan. The user of this technique firstly transfers their spiritual energy into a puppet via the chakra strings but this is a quick maneuver as the energy is transferred back into the user's original body with a surplus. The puppet of choice then stiffens and turns motionless. The jutsu will take effect, causing the kanji '傀儡の呪い' to appear from the puppet's forehead.

Like Puppet Operator Technique, the puppet's body is left defenseless but the user now has all the benefits of the transferred puppet, be it strength or weaponry. If it has additions to it, the user will seemingly 'grow' puppet limbs or objects to compensate for the things that the puppet would have that they would not, be it an arm with concealed weapons or a false chest with hidden blades and so on. Lastly, should any physical injury befall the puppet's body while the jutsu is active, it would cause the user's body to also receive those same injuries. Though if the puppet were to be destroyed, the jutsu will end abruptly and cause and extra 20 chakra to be drained from the chakra pool for that topic.


C-RANK

Name: puppet player technique (kairaishi no jutsu)
Canon/Custom: custom
Rank: C
Type: supplementary
Element: none
Range: 1609 meters
Specialty: bukijutsu (Kugutsu)
Duration: 1 post
Cooldown: 4 posts
Description: With this technique, users replace their own body with that of an already summoned or in use puppet. This creates an optical illusion, making the enemy think they have a puppet figured out or are about to land a blow on the user. From this, the user can use the lapse in the enemy's attention to attack, flee from the battlefield or surprise the enemy with an assault from either the user or a puppet. It's a basic ninjutsu taught to all Hitokugutsu when they come of age and it is a useful art that can be applied in variety of situations.


S-RANK

Name: puppet festival technique (momonosetuku no jutsu)
Canon/Custom: custom
Rank: S
Type: supplementary
Element: none
Range: 5 feet
Specialty: bukijutsu (Kugutsu)
Duration: 8 posts
Cooldown: 1 per topic
Description: This is the only S rank technique of the Hitokugutsu. It involves five or fewer puppets but can go no fewer than two. If there are fave, they stand in a pentagon with the user at the center with each five feet from the user. If four are used, they stand in a square. If only three are used then they stand in a triangle and if only two are used, they stand on each side of the user, opposite to one another.

After the correct hand seals are made, the user begins to glow faintly with a white chakra aura. Shortly after, the puppets begin to emit the same chakra but in a red color. Stones rise from the ground five feet further out from the puppets and begin to emit a blue colored aura. The aura crosses between each of the stones to form a hexagonal shape. The aura around the puppets do the same to one another to form a red pentagon. The white aura around the user slowly seeps outward and once it touches the red, it begins to convert it into a green color at a rapid pace. Once all of the red is gone, the puppets each disappear as if de-summoned and the aura fades.

The user's skin is now steel hard and several other difference's can be seen depending on the number and type of puppets used in the jutsu. The skill gives the user all of the abilities of the puppet's used while adding their own stats to the mixture. This allows the user to use their skills and their puppets to their fullest.


Last edited by Zori on Sun Apr 06, 2014 4:20 am; edited 4 times in total
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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyFri Mar 28, 2014 10:24 pm

Bump to be checked so I can continue my profile
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue190/190Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (190/190)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySat Mar 29, 2014 3:29 am

Clan ability
  • This ability needs to be elaborated on somewhat, being that this is very close to human puppetry- you need to specify that if the puppet dies, so does the user(Because their "soul" is connected) Personally, this ruins the fundamental aspect of puppetry, using them as kamikaze puppets as deadly weapons- sure this ability seems pretty cool, but it's too much of a double-edged sword. If you want my suggestion, say so & I'll PM you my idea for your clan puppetry.


puppet operator technique (ningiyoumawashi no jutsu)
  • This jutsu seems okay except the cooldown and side-effect. The cooldown should be at least 3 posts if its a 6 post duration. Also- omit the part of "the consciousness is forced back into the user's body with an extra 15 chakra reduction from their chakra pool"


puppet regime (kairaiseiken)

  • Honestly I don't understand what this jutsu is used for.


puppet festival (momonosetuku)
  • This jutsu is interesting, but you would only be able to use the extra apendages that are equipped to the "arms" you would then posses.(Such as a rib-cage blade couldn't be used VIA an arm)
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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySat Mar 29, 2014 7:15 am

Clan ability

  • The main thing that I wanted to get across is that they become one with the puppet but like most jutsu, since it is just a inanimate object, it can't be used as OP as the mind transfer jutsu would be. The reason I want to be able to transfer the mind is because it makes it personal. The reason why I took out the 'death' part is because that seems TOO drastic for a husk to be destroyed. That is why I think that a greater toll on the body would be put into place because it makes sense. It's just enough to make it special but not enough to make things seem like overkill, both for the actual clan and the drawback.


puppet operator technique (ningiyoumawashi no jutsu)

  • The cooldown is changed and the 'consciousness part' was the drawback as well as the extra chakra taken away with the original amount taken from a D rank ninja technique.


puppet regime technique (kairaiseiken no jutsu)


  • This is so that if the puppet is physically strong, the user is now just a strong. Or if the puppet was meant to be fast then the user can be that fast. It's mainly to give the user as a person of the clan an advantage if they were to fight someone that could out match them in a special area or if their puppets alone would not be fast enough or have the proper jutsu that the user does have.


puppet festival technique (momonosetuku no jutsu)

  • That was one of the things that the ritual was supposed to do, it gives the user a more puppet-like body for a short time. Not to the point of being able to break apart entirely but I figured that having more arms would, in the end, prove to be the more useful outer appearance wise. I figure since there are techniques that can change a ninja's body in different ways, this would be a shoe in. The ritual was meant to show that the puppets were being used as a part of them.
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue190/190Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (190/190)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySat Mar 29, 2014 7:28 am

The biggest issue with your jutsu and ability that it is too akin to Human Puppetry, which is banned currently. My suggestions are either the nerf or something else that would be acceptable like the idea I gave you in chatbox. Regardless, I alone cannot pass judgement on this clan ability and will require Eden or Hisame to grade it and provide their own opinions/rules per their own reasoning.
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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySat Mar 29, 2014 7:36 am

I just think that the telekinesis part that you gave in the chat would give the personal part of the clan away and could be used in too many overpowered ways that I don't want to see used/get in trouble for.

The only reason I don't see the human puppetry part is while, yes, the use can become a puppet, it is only for a limited time and there are boundaries and boarders that stop them from trying to take it into overpowered parts. IE, the extra chakra taken away if the puppet is destroyed or even put into an unworking order.

I understand that human puppets are banned and that is why I tried to make more obvious downsides but still kept the uniqueness to the clan itself. I can understand if there are problems in the jutsu or the history or the clan bloodline but it feels like I'm being told to change it completely into something else.
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Oujoukage

Eden
Eden
Female Posts : 2298
Ryo : 1597319

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue500/500Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyThu Apr 03, 2014 9:15 pm

Alright. I suggest, Zori, that you look through your clan a couple more times and clear up all misconceptions that may lead people to believe this works like mind transfer. The reason for this is because mind transfer is godmod, which all know is banned. The fact that you are doing it with puppets makes this easier to let slide but the concept of transferring the mind is still there which isn't allowed.

Anyway, read through a couple times and tie up all those kinds of loose ends and then bump when you are finished. We will have another look then.
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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyThu Apr 03, 2014 11:41 pm

Thank you for replying and giving me something to do Eden. Bump and I think that I move things around enough that the mind transfer isn't a thing and it is chakra based now and made it so that the puppets are special so the jutsu can only be used on them and them only.
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Oujoukage

Eden
Eden
Female Posts : 2298
Ryo : 1597319

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue500/500Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyFri Apr 04, 2014 12:15 am

there are some things in your jutsu that you have still overlooked. the first D-rank still has references to transferring the mind to the puppet. go through the jutsu and make the changes once again.

also, in the second D-rank,i need you to describe further how these transfers happen. you state that you transfer chakra into a puppet's body [or with the second one, taking from the puppet] in order to have control of the puppet and talk through it. it is still a bit too vague in terms of how exactly the transfer happens, whether it may be by touch, through wires/strings, etc.

also, you would have to store chakra in your puppets every topic in order to take chakra from them. since puppets don't have their own life force, they cannot sustain/produce chakra on their own. UNLESS you can explain to me how exactly the puppets can retain chakra/produce chakra on their own.
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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySun Apr 06, 2014 3:53 am

bu mp bu mp bump
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue190/190Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (190/190)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySun Apr 06, 2014 4:24 am

A couple things. I understand how it is that your puppets are made and capable of receiving chakra from you; however, with the ability to retain chakra- this ups the value of your puppets. Normally storing chakra into objects for later use is banned, but puppets are the exception to this. The fact that your puppets can store chakra makes them more expensive than most other weapons(because puppets are weapons in the weapon shop)

Also. The suggestion is this. Either your puppets have a set chakra pool equal to their individual rank or you and the puppet have a chakra-link. The latter is the most practical and not easily abused, but both are viable options. Of course you would only be able to control one puppet at a time to avoid OPness- I understand if you are frustrated, my brother wanted to do puppetry as well, but it was so difficult to make effective that he gave up. Yours is almost ready though, if we keep it up, you'll be set soon.
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Genin

Zori
Zori
Posts : 12
Ryo : 0

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptySun Apr 06, 2014 5:17 am

I put in the information into the bloodline that each puppet can have a given amount of chakra depending on the rank of the puppet
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Oujoukage

Eden
Eden
Female Posts : 2298
Ryo : 1597319

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue500/500Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyWed Apr 09, 2014 8:24 pm

Sorry I have taken so long to post. I need one last thing of you. I will need you to put in (right below the bloodline information) the chakra amounts a puppet has at each rank and explain how it works.
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Oujoukage

Eden
Eden
Female Posts : 2298
Ryo : 1597319

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue500/500Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyThu May 29, 2014 8:24 pm

Is this still being worked on? It will be archived in 24 hours if it isn't posted on.
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Oujoukage

Eden
Eden
Female Posts : 2298
Ryo : 1597319

Character sheet
Chakra:
Hitokugutsu (Done) Left_bar_bleue500/500Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)

Hitokugutsu (Done) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hitokugutsu (Done)   Hitokugutsu (Done) EmptyTue Aug 19, 2014 1:35 am

This clan has been archived.
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