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 Denrei's Jutsu Registration

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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySun Jan 04, 2015 3:28 pm

Starting Jutsu

E-rank:

Spoiler:

D-rank:

Spoiler:

C-rank

Spoiler:

B-rank

Spoiler:

A-rank

Spoiler:


Last edited by Denrei on Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:01 am; edited 36 times in total
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySun Jan 04, 2015 4:33 pm

Hello Denrei,

I am going to hold off on grading your jutsu until your statistics are approved & we know for sure what statistics you will have & be able to utilize. Apologies for waiting.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyWed Jan 07, 2015 7:51 am

Statistics have been approved by now. So bump
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Kouri Ten'nou

Isais
Isais
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyWed Jan 07, 2015 4:50 pm

This here is a quick grading. Although i may find more things that i need edited or clarafied in your techniques here is something you can work on for now. Note that if they are your clan jutsus, youll make sure you edit that into the clan page at your earliest convenience.

E ranks are fine

The ink imps technique: the way i see this is that you can send these things from village to village meanwhile. I dont see people knowing what those things are therefore its not common that one will go to great extents to kill these things anyways. Put a real range on this technique.  Tell me how far it can go from the user. Granted ill allow it to have a fair range because its not an offensive technique.

Paper Oven: doesn't tell me how many weapons you can make at a time.

Great beast immitation scroll: over 150ft is too much of a range for an offensive C rank jutsu.

Summoning jutsu: summons are there own specialization now so you currently cant have this

The ink snakes: the destructive capabilities of this technique might be much for a B rank. Based on how ive notice other staff grading, an A rank now a days cant shater bone. Crazy i know, but heres what well do. A character durability is based off the endurance stat so tell me the damage your B rank will do based on the victims endurance.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyThu Jan 08, 2015 2:52 pm

Quote :

The ink imps technique: the way i see this is that you can send these things from village to village meanwhile. I dont see people knowing what those things are therefore its not common that one will go to great extents to kill these things anyways. Put a real range on this technique. Tell me how far it can go from the user. Granted ill allow it to have a fair range because its not an offensive technique.


Added 5 KM, I hope this is reasonable. This way I can use them to scout a reasonably large area without being able to spy on multiple villages at the same time.

Quote :

Paper Oven: doesn't tell me how many weapons you can make at a time.

Added that five weapons per use of the technique can be created.

Quote :

Great beast immitation scroll: over 150ft is too much of a range for an offensive C rank jutsu.

Bumped down to 20 meters.

Quote :

Summoning jutsu: summons are there own specialization now so you currently cant have this

Replaced with another technique.

Quote :

The ink snakes: the destructive capabilities of this technique might be much for a B rank. Based on how ive notice other staff grading, an A rank now a days cant shater bone. Crazy i know, but heres what well do. A character durability is based off the endurance stat so tell me the damage your B rank will do based on the victims endurance.

Added damage based on endurance for both this technique and the technique I used to replace the summoning. I hope they are both reasonable.





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Oujoukage

Eden
Eden
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyThu Jan 08, 2015 7:09 pm

Sumiton: Jaki no Kaishuu – Ink Release: Congregation of Imps --- I would like you to reduce this range to 3 KM. Reason being 5 KM is still a bit too much for a D-rank jutsu. Also, you have "Type" and "Specialty" switched around. The "Specialty" is the type of specialization, whereas the "Type" defines what kind of jutsu it generally is (AKA Offensive, Defensive, etc).

Denrei wrote:
There is no limit to the range these creatures can move away from the user

This also needs to be removed, since there is now an effective range.

Denrei wrote:
can control them personally by concentrating and placing their hand on the original scroll, channelling their chakra into it.

If you are controlling them yourself, please limit it to controlling a max of 5 at a time. Also keep in mind that this jutsu, since it has a duration, it will cost half the original cost every post after the initial. The example would be this: You perform the jutsu, which means losing 10 chakra. The next posts that the jutsu is active, it will cost 5 chakra each post. So, if you were to have it active all 4 next posts, you'd be losing 30 chakra altogether for the full effects of the jutsu for the entire duration.

Also, the element must be Sumiton, since that is acting as the element of your Kekkei Genkai.

Sumiton: Kami Tenpi – Ink Release: Paper Forge --- Keep in mind, again, that this will have an upkeep cost since it has a duration. I would suggest limiting the duration to a maximum of 3-4 posts. This way you don't run out of chakra too fast. Also, as stated above, change around the "Specialty" and "Type" as well as put Sumiton for the element.

Sumiton: Choujuu Giga – Ink Release: Great Beast Imitation Scroll --- Please limit this to 3 creatures at a time. Also state that you can only control one at a time. When we think of animals, they don't necessarily have a logical path of thought. They think on a "need" basis, which means they either survive or hunt. At most their intelligence can allow them to obey your directions, but that's all. This would be different however for one you control since you'd be directly linked to it.

Denrei wrote:
They have a lifespan of five posts

Change this to 4 posts, since it says 4 posts in the "Duration" section, please.

Sumiton: Hitodama – Ink Release: Hitodama --- Please state how many of these you can create before the cooldown. I would suggest 3. A hit to the head won't necessarily cause nausea. Nausea is caused by a mixture of poisoning in the stomach, as well as disorientation in the brain. Please remove the nausea thing, unless you'd like to state that if one hits the stomach it could cause nausea. Also, may you please add "END" to each of the ranks you have listed? As of right now, people could get the impression that it is based on shinobi rank, which we don't want being misunderstood.



Please bump when you have made these changes.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyFri Jan 09, 2015 1:07 pm

I made the changes, ready for checking again.
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Seinin

Storm
Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySat Jan 10, 2015 11:20 pm


  • Sumiton: Choujuu Giga – Ink Release: Great Beast Imitation Scroll : How is this supplementary? All you have described are offensive uses for it.

  • Hitodama – Ink Release: Hitodama: How is this supplementary? If you have an after effect for an attack, give the total sum of post counts. A concussion could be as long as a day or as short as an hour. Of course, it would be unfair if a technique knocks an opponent out for 24 hours, which brings me to my next requests.

    -D rank endurance: This will not cause a severe concussion. I will allow you to say that it can cause a MILD concussion, with a 1 post knock out. But this will only be for a head blow.

    -C rank endurance: This will cause a severe headache for 1 post if hit on the head once with this jutsu.

    -B Rank endurance: This will cause light bruising, and will disorient the enemy for 1 post with one blow to the head.

    -A rank endurance: This will cause light bruising, and will make the opponent dizzy for 1 post with one blow to the head.

    -S rank endurance: This will cause light bruising, but no head trauma when hit on the head once. S rank endurance ninja's are super soldiers, it is going to take more than a C rank jutsu to effect them harshly.



  • Sumiton: Kibatsu Hebikage – Ink Release: Striking Shadow Serpent: First, how is this supplementary? Second, may you please be more descriptive of the snakes movements? Can it change course or do anything else you want it to do. The admins and mods cannot officially prove a jutsu that is even slightly ill-defined. The more specific your jutsu is, the better. Lastly, make both snakes speed 20km/h.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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Denrei's Jutsu Registration Empty
PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySun Jan 11, 2015 1:01 pm

Changed. As for the supplementary issue: for the snakes it was a mistake. I usually copy and paste my jutsu to use their template and apparently I forgot to change that. For the Great Beast Imitation Scroll, they are supplementary in a way similar to water clones and shadow clones. While their actions are more limited, they can move independantly and can therefore be used for scouting through assuming direct control (think about looking around a corner etc) or to corner opponents or herd them into another attack.
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Seinin

Storm
Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySun Jan 11, 2015 8:45 pm

If your jutsu can be used for scouting then please say so in your jutsu description.


  • Sumiton: Hitodama – Ink Release: Hitodama: In your endurance list you state that "multiple hits can cause intense pain." Does this mean that you are listing what would happen if all three Hotodama land on the target compared to if only one does? If so, then do this for all your endurance list, not just the A rank.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Jan 12, 2015 10:21 am

Edited. Hope all is correct now.
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Seinin

Storm
Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Jan 12, 2015 5:10 pm

I will make sure that grading ends quick.

Sumiton: Hitodama – Ink Release: Hitodama:

  • Change the speed to 10km/h and state whether or not you can control the Hitodama.


Sumiton: Kibatsu Hebikage – Ink Release: Striking Shadow Serpent:

  • There is no need to list its head injury effects.
  • B rank endurance- If it incapacitates the opponent, for how long are they unable to move?


Meisaigakure no Jutsu - Hiding with Camouflage Technique:

  • This technique will be perfect as an E rank, but it will not be accepted by me as an A rank.
  • How does this possibly hide a ninja's stench?
  • Can this only be done in daytime?
  • This being used for offensive purposes is way too OP. State that the user cannot attack when using this jutsu.
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Seinin

Storm
Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Jan 12, 2015 5:15 pm

Correction, make the hitodama's speed 20km/h.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyTue Jan 13, 2015 11:00 am

Edited. Replaced the invisibility technique since it seems unsuitable for A-rank. I would like to note that this is a canon technique and I copied the jutsu directly from narutopedia. I'm not sure what your policy on canon jutsu is, but you might want to either put it in the banned list or make your own version.

http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Hiding_with_Camouflage_Technique
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Seinin

Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyTue Jan 13, 2015 3:30 pm

I would recommend speaking to an admin before placing unregistered canons inside jutsu registrations. It would help prevent inconvenient situations like these.

Konpeki Gekido Daibutsu - Azure Great Raging Beast:

  • Label the range as a diameter of twenty meters.
  • Make this a one post charge up jutsu, and state whether or not the user can move during the first or second post.
  • It should have an expansion speed no greater than 30km/h
  • In your endurance list, you mention 'blown back' to only A rank and S rank endurance opponents. Mention this for all the endurance ranks please.
  • The knock out count should be one post long; and if your jutsu does instantly knock out an opponent on contact, then you too must have a side effect from this. If your jutsu knocks out an opponent for one post, then your jutsu must slow you down for one post. This seems fair for those who's endurance are not matched or above.
  • Since this is an A rank, it should give 4th degree burns for any who is captured within in it.
  • Those with B rank endurance should not be knocked out, but slowed down.
  • I am not sure what to say about the Endurance. You are a bit merciless with those whose endurance is below the rank of the jutsu, not saying that it is a bad thing though. I will need an admin to help grade that.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySat Jan 17, 2015 7:07 pm

Alright, finally got to editing.
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Sakurakage

Tencho
Tencho
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Jan 19, 2015 6:40 pm

Hello, hello. Let's get this grading finished then.

E-ranks: I see no issue with them.

D-ranks

Spoiler:


C-ranks

Spoiler:


B-ranks

Spoiler:


A-ranks

Spoiler:
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Jan 19, 2015 8:47 pm

Quote :

- Bunshin Daibakuha (Clone Great Explosion)

Explain to me what is the "the principle of attack to bring down the enemy"? I also have another issue with this technique, but I would like to get a better understanding of the aforementioned principle first.

I posted it just as I found it in the canon technique library. I basically rewrote the entire thing since it is indeed quite vague, but I assumed that since its in the library it would be fine like this. I'd suggest going through them with the staff when you have the time since theres obviously a few dated techniques in there.

As for the rest: Edited.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySun Jan 25, 2015 7:46 pm

Bump. Need four more words.
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Seinin

Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptySun Jan 25, 2015 9:09 pm

  • Sumiton: Hitodama – Ink Release: Hitodama:
    Quote :
    The Hitodama grows to a maximum of five meters upon emerging from the scroll and reverts to ink upon impact with its intended target.

    Do not say 'upon impact.' This means that it will touch the opponent then turn into ink without doing damage. State that this reverts into ink after first impact or once the damage is done.

  • Bunshin Daibakuha (Clone Great Explosion): Please use the already established template for this jutsu, not your own edit.


After you have edited this, I will give you my approval. Do not worry much about the clone destruction jutsu, for staff is working to re-fix every canon jutsu. Once we have done this, we will ask you to re-edit this jutsu to match our new and approved one.

Another staff approval will be needed in order for this jutsu registration to be complete.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Jan 26, 2015 8:10 am

Done editing. Three more words.
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyFri Jan 30, 2015 12:05 pm

Hey Denrei, just a couple things I you will be all ready to go!

Sumiton: Kami Tenpi – Ink Release: Paper Forge- Please give this a definite duration, 3 or 4 posts, not in between.

Konpeki Gekido Daibutsu - Azure Great Raging Beast- Before I go discussing the degree of burns, I would like to ask how this technique burns. Is the ink hot? Creating a giant ink face which decimates a given area would be a kinetic impact/explosion rather than a fiery explosion. Please specify if the ink is hot or not. I might suggest making this a hot sticky ink, this would specify the burns as well as explain the slowed difference in your opponent. Instead of saying they re slowed, specify they are slowed by 1 rank, up to B Rank STR. If their STR is higher than B Rank, they wont be slowed by 1 rank.
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Jounin

Denrei
Denrei
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Feb 02, 2015 8:01 am

Quote :

Sumiton: Kami Tenpi – Ink Release: Paper Forge- Please give this a definite duration, 3 or 4 posts, not in between.

Done

Quote :

Konpeki Gekido Daibutsu - Azure Great Raging Beast- Before I go discussing the degree of burns, I would like to ask how this technique burns. Is the ink hot? Creating a giant ink face which decimates a given area would be a kinetic impact/explosion rather than a fiery explosion. Please specify if the ink is hot or not. I might suggest making this a hot sticky ink, this would specify the burns as well as explain the slowed difference in your opponent. Instead of saying they re slowed, specify they are slowed by 1 rank, up to B Rank STR. If their STR is higher than B Rank, they wont be slowed by 1 rank.

This is not an ink technique. I wouldn't be able to use an A-rank ink technique as I don't have Ninjutsu, Bloodline and Onmyoton all at A-rank. Its just a chakra explosion. The "slowed" was a suggestion by another staff. I've removed it since it sounds like something that will only lead to more finetuning with systems and effects per rank of END, STR or whatever stat, and I just want to get this stuff approved as soon as possible.
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
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PostSubject: Re: Denrei's Jutsu Registration   Denrei's Jutsu Registration EmptyMon Feb 02, 2015 5:19 pm

Well, your edits look fine to me, I approve.
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